Sex & The Sexes

21 Nov Sex & The Sexes

Sex and the Sexes:
What’s going on here?

It’s pretty clear the issue of sexual harassment is rearing its head from every corner of society.

Both women and men have been putting up with this nonsense for far too long and it’s time we got to the bottom of it. Because it’s not going away until we look at its origin through the outdated beliefs that made pleasure into a sin.

Hear me out on this.

Back in the day, say 2-3000 years ago, when patriarchy was taking over the pre-existing religions of gods and goddesses, men decided there was only going to be one Divine source . . . and it was male.

That gave men the power to decree morality. The Goddess was plowed underground and a new order proclaimed.

Around that time, sex was made into a bad thing—at least for women—while men’s pursuits were considered normal, even manly.

Maybe it was all the babies that came from it, but the sin was attributed to the woman. She was a temptress, a villain, a slut, or a whore—the cause of all the evil in the world, starting with Eve and extending to every woman today who is vilified for daring to speak up or wear the wrong outfit to the mall.

If a woman chose to be free in her sexuality, she was humiliated or punished at best, but could also be hanged, stoned, or burned at the stake.

You can even find a passage in Deuteronomy to that effect relating to rape victims:

“If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl’s virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her father’s house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death.” ~Deuteronomy 22:20-21.

So women’s lovely bodies and breasts had to be hidden, their sight considered immoral, even for a mother nursing a child. What a loss!

If women’s sexuality is the cause of evil, that leaves men in a double bind—how to get a woman to give them what they want, when it endangers the woman’s reputation, childbearing, and sometimes their life if they comply. (Meanwhile men are not supposed to go to another man for it, either.)

But it also put women in a double bind, to say nothing of a double standard. The very same gender that was trying to get something from us was simultaneously punishing us for giving it to them.

And though we are not supposed to be a temptress, every billboard and magazine tells us we should look thin, beautiful, and sexy all the time.

Women are then seen as either sluts that should know better or withholding bitches that deserve what’s coming to us.

And this makes men into disgusting pigs that can’t keep their hands to themselves.

This is a no-win situation for everybody.

We are not going to solve this mess until we reclaim sexuality as a positive force for life, one that can be enjoyed by both men and women under consensual conditions.

Women have to understand that guys like sex and have an innate drive to get it. They are not bad, evil people, just a gender that has been sorely betrayed by their own kind. 

Men have to get that women have been terribly hurt by the objectification and constant invasion of our bodies, while being denied the right to control what happens to these bodies, before, during, or after sex.

We have to stop the blame game, and turn instead to an empathetic understanding of what it’s like for each other.

We need to engage in dialog, hear each other’s stories, and listen with our hearts.

We have to learn respect, that No means No and a true Yes is a blessing.

Women are taking back their bodies, their boundaries, and their rights. In the long run, this will be good for men too.

This is not to condone rapacious actions, of which there are far too many, but to work with the mess that we have. There’s scarcely a woman who hasn’t experienced some kind of harassment, and approximately 1 out of 3 experience sexual violence at some time in their lives.

There’s scarcely a man that hasn’t, at some time, transgressed a boundary, whether mildly or forcibly, and some men have also experienced harassment and invasion.

We are the products of sexual mores that were created a long time ago, ones that go against the biological nature of our bodies.

If we’re going to work together, govern together, and co-create a society together that works for all, we need to get out of the adolescent locker room and start acting like grownups who enjoy sex, yet handle it wisely.

Anodea Judith
November 21, 2017

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